Anti-Zombie Night Table

In defining their business modus operandi, home furnishing konung IKEA states:

“At IKEA our vision is to create a better everyday life for the many people. Our business idea supports this vision by offering a wide range of well-designed, functional home furnishing products at prices so low that as many people as possible will be able to afford them.”

That’s all well and good, if you only want to improve everyday life. What about those emergency situations that only a table can fix? I mean, I’ve scanned most of their catalog, which they boast to have the most functional of functional furniture, and have yet to find one of these:

That, my friends, is an Anti-Zombie Night Table.

The folks at Lost At E Minor have a feature on this extraordinary room accessory that will hold your midnight mint julep, then smash the face of any undead bastard that tries to interrupt you. What you have here is a night stand whose leg turns into a club and a table top that doubles as a shield.

According to their description:

The problem with firearms is that they work much better on the living than they do on the undead, since a breathing human will go down if you hit him anywhere in the torso — you have a much smaller target area on a zombie. This anti-zombie night table is a much better bet — you won’t run out of bullets, it won’t jam, and it’s much easier to make your effort count when you’re whacking skulls with a blunt object.

A solid theory that hopefully has the construction to match. Personally, I’d prefer this thing in stainless steel, for maximum zombie crushing efficiency, though I don’t imagine that’d do much for the aesthetics.